Conditioning & Deconditioning

We can be conditioned in many ways, often unconsciously, shaping our behaviors, beliefs, and decision-making patterns.

Childhood Conditioning

• Parental Expectations – Being told who to be, what to value, or how to behave to gain approval.
• Punishment & Reward Systems – Learning that love and acceptance are conditional on performance.
• Emotional Suppression – Being taught that emotions like anger, sadness, or excitement are “too much” or “inappropriate.”
• Rescue & Over-Protection – Parents making all the decisions, leading to a lack of self-trust.

Societal & Cultural Conditioning

• Gender Roles – Messages about what it means to be a “good” woman or man (e.g., “Boys don’t cry” or “Girls should be quiet and polite”).
• Success & Productivity – Tying self-worth to achievement, hustle culture, and constant productivity.
• Body Image & Beauty Standards – Learning that our value is tied to how we look.
• Cultural Norms & Traditions – Feeling obligated to follow societal expectations rather than personal truth.

Educational Conditioning

• Obedience Over Creativity – Being rewarded for following rules rather than thinking independently.
• Memorization Over Intuition – Prioritizing external knowledge over self-discovery and intuition.
• Fear of Failure – Internalizing that mistakes = failure rather than growth.

Relationship & Attachment Conditioning

• People-Pleasing – Learning to prioritize others’ needs over our own for acceptance.
• Codependency – Associating love with self-sacrifice or emotional caretaking.
• Fear of Abandonment – Holding onto unhealthy relationships out of fear of being alone.

Religious & Spiritual Conditioning

• Guilt & Shame – Believing we are inherently “bad” or “unworthy” unless we follow strict rules.
• Fear-Based Teachings – Being taught that punishment follows independent thinking or questioning.
• Spiritual Bypassing – Avoiding real emotions or challenges because “everything happens for a reason.”

Media & Marketing Conditioning

• Consumerism & Scarcity Mindset – Being taught that we are always lacking something and need external things to feel whole.
• Comparison Culture – Social media conditioning us to compare our lives to curated highlight reels.
• Fear-Based Messaging – The news and advertisements reinforcing anxiety and a sense of insecurity.

Workplace & Professional Conditioning

• Corporate Hierarchies – Being conditioned to follow authority without questioning.
• Overworking as a Badge of Honor – Glorifying burnout as a measure of success.
• Limiting Beliefs About Money – Internalizing the idea that financial success only comes through struggle.

How Conditioning Shapes Us

From the moment we’re born, we start absorbing messages about how the world works and who we should be.

This happens through:

• Direct teaching – Things we’re explicitly told (e.g., “Stop being so sensitive” “Strong girls/boys don’t cry” “Let me handle it for you—you’ll just mess it up”).
• Unspoken expectations – What we learn by observing (e.g., seeing your parents overwork and believing rest is lazy).
• Repeated experiences – Patterns that reinforce certain beliefs (e.g., getting praised only when you achieve something).

Over time, these messages become the “rules” we live by—often without questioning if they are actually true for us.

How to Recognize Conditioning in Your Life

• Your “Shoulds” & “Have To’s”
  • Pay attention to how often you say:
    • “I should do this.”
    • “I have to be this way.”
    • “I can’t do that.”
  • Ask yourself: Who told me this was true? Is this actually my belief or someone else’s?

• Patterns of Fear & Resistance
  • Where do you feel stuck, fearful, or resistant in life?
  • What decisions feel impossible to make without others’ approval?
  • What triggers guilt or shame when you choose yourself?
  • These often point to deep conditioning.

• Where Do You Seek External Validation?
  • Do you need permission or reassurance before making a choice?
  • Are you afraid of disappointing people if you follow your truth?
  • Conditioning often makes us believe we need others to tell us what’s right.

• Your Automatic Reactions
  • Notice your default reactions to situations.
  • Example: If someone gives you a compliment, do you accept it fully or downplay it?
  • If someone crosses a boundary, do you immediately shrink instead of speaking up?

Deconditioning Tips to Reclaim Your Sovereign Soul

1. Question Your “Shoulds” with Center Awareness

Your “shoulds” are clues to where you’ve absorbed conditioning. In Human Design, these often show up in undefined or open centers. For example:

Deconditioning Prompt: “Whose voice is this? Does this ‘should’ honor my truth or someone else’s expectations?”
“I honor rest as a sacred part of my rhythm.”

Undefined Head Center: You might feel mental pressure to answer questions or know things you don’t truly care about.
Tip: Practice releasing the need to have all the answers. Journal what questions actually matter to you, not the ones others expect you to solve.

2. Spot Fear & Resistance as Spleen Whispers

Fear often comes from the Spleen Center, which governs instinct and survival. Many of your resistances (like fearing change or judgment) are echoes of ancestral and cultural conditioning.

Practice: Use pattern interrupts (Day 3 concept) to pause the automatic fear loop and choose a new response.

Tip: When fear rises, breathe into it. Ask: “Is this fear protecting me or keeping me small?”

3. Root the Need for External Validation

Validation-seeking is often rooted in an undefined G-Center (identity) or Heart/Will Center (worthiness).

• G-Center: If yours is open, you may be heavily influenced by who you’re around.
  Tip: Notice when you’re shape-shifting to please others. Instead, ask, “What feels true to me right now?”
• Will Center: If you crave proving your value, it may be a sign of low self-worth conditioning.
  Tip: Affirm your value daily. “I am enough even when I do nothing.”

4. Reclaim Your Power Through the Root, Sacral, and Emotional Centers

These three centers are foundational in deconditioning:

• Root Center: Linked to stress and pressure.
  Tip: Notice where you are rushing. Ask: “Am I acting from pressure or desire?” Ground into stillness.
• Sacral Center: Tied to your gut response and vitality.
  Tip: Follow what feels energizing over what feels draining. Learn to say “no” even when it’s uncomfortable.
• Emotional Solar Plexus: Source of emotional clarity and wisdom.
  Tip: Stop making snap decisions. Give yourself emotional space to return to clarity before choosing.

5. Observe and Interrupt Your Default Reactions

Your automatic reactions are patterns from old programs. Deconditioning happens through awareness and active choice.

Start by becoming the witness. Notice how you respond when you’re complimented, criticized, or challenged. Do you shrink, defend, dismiss, or over-explain? These patterns often formed in childhood as survival strategies—but they’re not who you are.

Tip: When a situation triggers you, pause. Take a deep breath. Ask yourself:

• “Is this reaction rooted in fear, protection, or past pain?”
• “What would the empowered version of me choose in this moment?”

Practice: Try a pattern interrupt:

• Instead of deflecting a compliment, say, “Thank you. I receive that.”
• Instead of saying yes out of guilt, practice saying, “Let me check in with myself first.”
• Instead of reacting from defensiveness, try responding with curiosity: “Tell me more about why you feel that way.”

Journal Prompt: “What reaction am I ready to change? What truth am I ready to embody instead?”

Every time you pause and choose differently, you reclaim your power. You shift from conditioned reaction to conscious creation.

6. Sacred Reflection Practice

Deconditioning isn’t a one-time shift—it’s a devotion. A return. A remembering. This weekly practice creates space to integrate, release, and realign.

Weekly Practice: Set aside 10–20 minutes at the end of each week. Light a candle. Let the flame be a reminder that your inner truth is alive, burning, sacred.

Journal Prompts:

• “Where did I follow someone else’s truth this week?”
• “Where did I honor my own?”
• “What felt out of alignment—and what does my body say about it?”

Speak this aloud to seal it: “I am coming home to myself.”

Let this practice be a compass. A moment to recalibrate your energy. Over time, this sacred pause will become your power.