While soaking in a row of bathtubs with my friends Josh and Liz at Mystic Hot Springs in Monroe, UT, on top of a hill, under the night sky glistening with stars (you can read about that here), Josh asked, “What are you most surprised in learning about yourself while on this journey of self-discovery?”
He has a knack for asking really good questions and caught me off guard.
I took a moment to feel into his words and then thoughtfully responded. “As I reflect on how far I’ve come, I’m most surprised at the deep levels in which I had suppressed myself.”
It was one small choice after another every day for many years and for many reasons: protection, survival, societal pressures, learned behavior…
Some of it was conscious—it’s the ‘right’ thing to do, I’m ok, I’ve got it handled—and a lot of it was unconscious.
Saying yes when I wanted to say no.
Saying no when I wanted to say yes.
Changing the tone of my voice.
Remaining silent instead of speaking up.
Not asking for what I needed.
Denying myself what I needed.
Burying emotions.
Rejecting my own feelings.
Allowing the voices of others to be louder than my own.
Self-alienation.
The clothes I wore.
Staying in toxic relationships too long.
Running away from healthy relationships.
Ignoring the yearnings for something different.
And the list goes on….
It was a slow burn.
We create our own lives through our choices every minute of every day, and when you’re dishonest with yourself about what you need and want, you’re designing a false life.
You’re living a lie.
And that lie not only hurts you, but it also hurts those closest to you.
Ultimate internal freedom is the only way to a self-fulfilled life. And the only way to ultimate internal freedom is through brutal self-honesty and radical self-responsibility.
It starts with awareness and the courage to make different choices.
To stand up for yourself.
To change the narrative.
To give yourself what you need.
To lean in and listen to yourself.
To care for yourself as you would your own child.
And allow your voice to be louder than anyone else’s.
The journey of coming home to yourself isn’t easy, but it’s so worth it.
You are worth it.